Breaking Up with Self-Judgment

I recently had a breakthrough, and I had to share it with you because I know you’ve been there too. You’ve felt the weight of self-judgment, the fear of criticism, and the desire to belong. You want to be liked, accepted, and respected in the circles you’re in. Guess what? Me too.

Let me take you to a moment that taught me a powerful lesson about self-judgment, fear of judgment, and the freedom that comes when we choose to let it all go.

The Court and the Bench: Where Fear Meets Action

My husband started coaching our son’s basketball team, and as a professional coach, I was asked to contribute by guiding mindset and visualization exercises. Cool, right? But as soon as I imagined stepping onto that court, the fear crept in.

What would the other parents think of me?
Would they judge what I was wearing, how I walked, or what I said?

On one particular night, I sat on the bench in my yoga pants and sweatshirt, blending into the background. Then my husband asked me to join him on the court to help facilitate an exercise. My heart raced.

As I walked onto the court, it felt like every single eye was on me. My inner voice screamed: They’re all judging you.

The Truth About Judgment

Here’s the thing: none of it was true.

The parents on the bench were kind, supportive people—yet my mind spun stories. We do this, don’t we? We assume everyone is watching, judging, or critiquing us. We act like we’re the center of their universe, but in reality, most people are too busy thinking about their own lives.

Still, I felt self-conscious as I approached the basket. To cope, I deliberately kept my back to the bench and focused on the exercise.

The Shift: From Fear to Fun

And then something amazing happened. As I guided the boys through the exercise, I got caught up in the moment. We ran a drill called “The Gauntlet,” where players try to run through while the rest of us attempt to knock the ball out of their hands.

It was chaotic. The ball flew everywhere. I was laughing, cheering, and completely immersed.

For the first time that evening, I wasn’t thinking about the parents or their opinions. I wasn’t worried about my clothes, my walk, or my words. I was just present—having fun and contributing to the team.

Choosing to Let Go

Here’s the truth: it wasn’t the parents’ judgment I needed to let go of—it was my own.

When I chose to release the fear of judgment, I also let go of self-judgment. I allowed myself to be in the moment, to play, and to show up fully. And do you know what? It felt incredible.

We often think of self-judgment as this big, immovable obstacle, but even releasing just 1%, 5%, or 10% of it can transform your day. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being you.

The Gift of Showing Up

That night on the court, I realized something else: maybe someone on the bench was watching me and thinking, I wish I had the courage to get up and do that.

We underestimate the impact of our courage. When we choose to step into our authenticity and let go of the fear of judgment, we give others permission to do the same.

And at the end of the day, none of us gets out of this game alive. Wouldn’t you rather look back and remember the moments you were on the court, messy and fully alive, than regret the times you stayed on the bench, held back by fear?

Your Invitation to Let Go

What would happen if you stopped worrying about the people on the bench?
What would happen if you stopped judging yourself and just played full out?

Here’s your challenge:

• Let yourself be messy.
• Let yourself be imperfect.
• Let yourself live.

And remember, what other people think of you is none of your business. The only thing that matters is what you think of you. So get off the bench, step onto the court, and have fun.

You deserve to live your life fully—without fear, without judgment, and with so much joy.