Breaking the Silence: My Journey with Postpartum Depression

Trigger Warning:
This content discusses sensitive topics, including postpartum depression, intrusive thoughts, and childhood abuse. While these themes are shared to inspire healing and understanding, they may be difficult for some listeners.

If you’re feeling vulnerable or think this content may be triggering, please take care of yourself—whether that’s choosing to pause, listen with support, or skip this episode entirely. Your well-being comes first.

Today, I’m tackling a topic that doesn’t get nearly enough attention—postpartum depression. 

Even if you’ve never experienced it, or think this doesn’t apply to you, I encourage you to read on. Postpartum depression doesn’t just affect mothers—it ripples out to families, friends, and entire communities. And women like me have suffered in silence for far too long.

My Story: The Silent Struggle

When I had my first son, I experienced a rare form of postpartum depression. I had intrusive visions of harming him, and though I would never act on them, the thoughts were horrifying. It wasn’t just with my first child; I experienced this with all three of my children. Yet I didn’t speak up until my eldest was a year old.

For that entire year, I carried the weight of isolation, guilt, and shame. I judged myself harshly, terrified that if I shared these thoughts, someone would take my baby away. Eventually, I opened up to my husband, who responded with love and compassion. Even then, I kept the struggle largely to myself, too afraid to seek outside help.

The Turning Point

A year later, at my postpartum check-up, I finally confided in my obstetrician. I told him about the visions, expecting empathy or understanding. Instead, he responded with six words that changed my life:
"That’s not normal. You need help."

I left his office feeling judged and upset, but I also knew he was right. I needed to put my mental health first. When I told my husband, he encouraged me to find professional help. I reached out to a local psychotherapist, and that decision transformed my life.

What I Learned

In therapy, I began to understand my postpartum depression, and my therapist helped normalize what I was going through. Here are three powerful lessons I took away from that experience:

1. Normalizing My Experience
   My therapist explained that because I had experienced childhood abuse, my brain was trying to process the trauma during this vulnerable time in my life. The intrusive thoughts weren’t desires—they were my brain’s attempt to make sense of my past.
   This understanding removed so much of the shame and stigma. It allowed me to be kinder to myself and stop judging my thoughts.

2. The Subconscious Absorbs Everything
   He also taught me how external stimuli, like violent TV shows or news, could exacerbate my symptoms. For example, I loved watching Law & Order, but he pointed out that even if I wasn’t actively paying attention, my subconscious absorbed those themes. He explained that 24 to 36 hours after exposure, my visions would intensify. And he was right.

3. Empowerment Through Choice
   Together, we created a mantra:
   "My mother had a choice. She made the wrong choice. I’m making the right choice."
   This gave me back my power. Whenever intrusive thoughts arose, I repeated it to myself. It reminded me that I was in control and could choose to break the cycle of abuse.

Why We Need to Talk About This

Postpartum depression still carries a stigma in 2025. Too many women feel they can’t share their struggles, and as a result, they suffer in silence. This needs to change.

Even if you’ve never experienced postpartum depression, you can still be part of the solution. Chances are, you know someone who has recently had a baby—or will in the future. Simply asking, “How are you really doing?” can open the door to honesty.

How You Can Help

If you suspect someone is struggling, consider saying:
"I know this is personal, and I’m only asking because I care. Are you struggling with postpartum depression?"

This question might feel awkward, but it could also save a life. Nobody asked me that question when I was suffering, and I’m not sure how I would have answered. But knowing someone cared enough to ask would have meant everything.

Breaking the Cycle

For me, the cycle of abuse ended with my family. Thanks to therapy, support from my husband and close friends, and the tools I gained along the way, I was able to heal. I now share my story to let other women know they’re not alone.

You don’t have to suffer in silence. Help is out there. This is an incredible time in your life, and you deserve to feel supported, loved, and understood—without judgment or stigma.

Let’s Continue the Conversation

The more we talk about postpartum depression, the more we can normalize seeking help. Share this with someone who might need it, or reach out to a loved one today. Together, we can create a world where no woman feels alone in this journey.

If this resonates with you, or if you have a story to share, leave a comment or send me a message. Your voice matters.